evolving roots

back to the root, back to the root… causal argument after causal argument, this phrase is burned in my brain.

i need to get back to the root, back to the root of who i once was,

so i put in old songs that take me back to that day, that time, that place…

i want my old friends, i want my old face, i want my old mind

fuck this time and place.

but that’s not true either

i dont know where the truth is, what the truth is, just that it’s crashing down on me, overwhelming sensation, waves of nameless feeling, demanding my attention.

i look to the past, look for answers, solace, where once i found them. look for that angry, empowered voice that can remind me what it means to be alive. find a champion to my cause, rooting me on through the surround sound, sparking again that fire inside, just enough outside vision to lead me out of here. i find the old songs don’t fit, not quite, so i move forward on the timeline, see if my old prophet has new words of wisdom. something to show how the situation has evolved.

evolving… this situation is evolving, the work in progress is something of force and beauty and new complexity, stretching all the old norms… the key is in the past, and the here and now, and in depths i’ve yet to plumb.

i have changed, and things are not the same. all the old issues, some resolved, some lying in wait, have morphed, gone through a chemical change, have become something new yet the old. what i was looking for, i still seek, but it’s become… something else, something more. those driving forces have distilled with time, taken on a new complexity, a stronger kick. i am still me, yet i am not.

~ by velvetmonkeywrench on 15 March, 2009.